The forgotten one...

Somewhere along the line, someone is always forgotten. In this case, it's...

NOT ME!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!

You thought I was going to give the predictable response, no? No.

The forgotten One in this case, is God. For some reasons, society tries it's hardest to forget the One who literally gave His all for their salvation. Not just His only Son in order to adopt us, but by the fact Jesus was God, He gave his own life as well.

And yet we try to forget. Or slander Him in such a way as to make Him look evil.

So let's add in another forgotten one: Man. Humanity in general. In example, listen to Theater of Tragedy's "And when he falleth". Vincent Price gives a nice narration on the evils of the world, and how if such a good God existed, he must have disappeared long ago. Because what good God could exist and have the world in the state it's in?

Too, Muse. Knights of Cydonia. Another epic song. To quote "Come ride with me, through the veins of history, I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job."

Forgetting that it was us who chose to deny God and broke His commands. Forgetting that it's us who choose to start wars, murder others, and generally create thee world in the state it's in. He gave us free will. This is what we've done with it.

Unless we wanted a God who lords over every move we make, smiting the first time we stepped out of line? Because I think God get's called a tyrant or some variant thereof enough for having set the 10 commandments in order.

It's the equivalent of an innocent man paying the fines, and changing places in jail for a murderer, only to have the murderer spit in his face as he walked away free.

I guess it's a pet peeve of mine. I know only a little bit of what God has done for me, and does for me and this entire planet on a daily routine, and it blows my mind. And to have someone claim God isn't doing His job right, or that He doesn't exist at all...I don't get it. Partially.

Not that I'm complaining only against others. I'm in the same boat. I know for sure God exists, and part of what He has done for me. But I don't always act like it, and that may be worse. I could try my best to stop wars, murders and generally fix the world...but I don't. I could tell others of the wonders of His love, but I don't. Or haven't yet. Fear overcomes me.

So I'll close this post with another song or two:

"Would my care increase if I truly believed that a life could be saved?"

And:

"An image flashed across my tv screen. Another broken heart comes in to view. I saw the pain and I turned my back. Why can't I do the things I want to? I'm willing, yet I'm so afraid. You give me strength, When I say: I want to be your hands, I want to be your feet, I'll go where you send me."

Perhaps when people can't see God doing His job, it's because I'm not doing mine.

In the valley of the dying sun...

"...I walk a crooked path alone. I came across the shadow of a man, With an angel's breath. 'O boy' he said to me, I see your future. Though you long for peace...The sword is your father."

No. I didn't write that...but I think it's the perfect description of my life's walk...look up the rest of the song to see that I'm not whining again (the title is...well, the title...By House of Heroes).

Recently, I've adopted two adorable hammies. Dwarf, not Syrian. O_O Named them...Joaquin and Laredo. If you get why I named one of the Hamsters Joaquin without using Google, give yourself a pat on the back. Because you rock. XD

At any rate, once they stop being so freaked out around me, I may try to put some pics on here. I'm kinda afraid to take a picture using flash though. XD

/DrakeandJosh

The point is the song. Lot's changed over the past...not post.

Not forgotten.

This place isn't dead, just...not cared for, for a bit.

I'm wrestling with whether to get another snake, or something small and fuzzy. See, since I was 10, I've had a dog and a reptile. My Bearded Dragon Aladar lived for 10 years, and then I got Jayne.

Now, earlier this month I was dead set on getting something small and furry. Hampsters, Gerbils, Hedgehogs, or sommat.

Then...a friend showed me a Rosy Boa. And I fell in love. Care is similar to a corn, and it'd be a likely chance I wouldn't need to upgrade my stuff. Just get a heat lamp and some aspen.

Not only that, but a Repticon is coming to a locale that's...local to me. In May. I could likely find a Rosy there.

So I'm torn. I think I'd like Guinea pigs. But I also like Snakes.

This is tearing me in half. Not literally.

Loss.

My pet snake, Jayne, died yesterday. I don't know why...it could have been parasites, but I'm afraid it was my fault somehow. Friends and family tell me it wasn't...but they aren't helping. I suppose I'll have to live with it.

He just...stopped eating. I tried to get his cage to the appropriate levels, and succeeded. Finally. Took me awhile. But even after I had it "perfect" he still wouldn't eat.

I'm really sad right now, but I know God will use this. Actually, I know He has in small ways already.

I could pull a number of messages out of this...but I'm just too tired.

My foot...it itches.

I don't know why. A mystery of modern science, such as will never be known the answer to.

I figured I'd talk about another deep subject that I consider highly important in this post...but then I realized no one cares about soda in the way I do.

Probably. The likelihood that I'm the craziest person on earth seems an arrogant thought. Not to mention prideful.

So yeah. I've been 6 days without videro games. Except a game of virtual checkers I played on my Zune whilst the family was watching The Mentalist. Not that I don't like the show, but I really wanted to play a game of checkers. It's a game I've always liked...never play it. XD

So, now that I've (temporarily. Voluntary Ban lifts tomorrow) been without my "thing" for a week, what do I think?

I think I was too dependent on games to add fulfillment in my life. Now that I've been a week without them, I can see that feelings worthlessness or stupidity went away playing them.

Escapism, in a small way. Instead of shoving my problems into the back of my mind while being a virtual hero, I had to think about them. A little, at least. It's not like I went into a full digital retreat. Just replaced my "normal" activities with guitar playing and reading.

I actually kinda like it. I've been a bit more creative, and possibly more intelligent...though my stupidity is something I would blame on myself.

In fact, all of this is. I can't foist my laziness onto video games. I choose to play them, I choose to shove my problems into the dark little corner of my mind (my reasoning ability has been there since childhood).

So what's the point? It's like...putting on sunglasses in a dark room. They obscure your vision, but only because you let them.

So now, videro games have their place in my life. Kinda. I'm looking forward to cracking open FF7 tomorrow. But I definitely have something to think about.

I wonder if I'm an addict? *eye twitch*

I know what (or should I say Who?) should fill my life. I know the only thing that can...But do I really? If I "truly" knew Him, would I want to do anything else but worship Him? Would anything take as much time in my life as my relationship with Him?

Dreams...my life is a dream. I'm slowly realizing it may actually be a nightmare.

Requisite spooky/cliche` ending: checkeroo, little Jimmy.

Idle worshipper.

That last sentence of that last post probably left a lasting fear that I would yet again step up to the blogger plate. Well, here I am. :D

Sadly, I'm not all that great at being a Christian. In fact, it was only a few years ago that I realized that I can't "be" a Christian, if that makes sense. If it doesn't, let me clarify:

"For by grace ye are saved through faith and this is not of yourselves. It is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast."

I'm sure that's not word perfect, but you can look it up in Ephesians 2:8-9. XD

That verse sums it up nicely. This life isn't about being a Christian. Works won't get me anywhere (sadly, I still struggle with this. Even after several years and an entire childhood) they're useful to show faith (as James said), but they won't save me. God already did that. Trying to get "there" myself not only belittles His sacrifice but shows a certain lack of faith. I'm working on it (see? I'm working on it. How funny/ annoying is that?)!

I'm fully convinced that this life is all about a relationship with Christ, and serving Him.

With that laid as a background, let me tell you a little bit about the title. I realized that I was, in fact, setting up my own little God. And if he didn't do what I wanted, I just explained it away.

Here's one way I know this:

"Lord, Please *insert something*, BUT let your will be done."

I wasn't praying that because I wanted God's will to be done. I was leaving him (not Him) a way out in case he didn't do what I wanted. "Well, God didn't get me a car/heal someone/give me wisdom. Guess that wasn't his will."

In the span of things, God will, WILL be done. Time is laid out before Him like a book. So if someone didn't get healed/didn't get a car/whatevs...that was His will. Because what I think isn't always the best option. God has reasons for me not having a car, just as He has reasons for not healing someone. It's a matter of trust. Trusting that God's will is truly best. It's also a matter of respect. God is God. He's infinite, Omniscient, ETC. And as a perfectly holy, always right, infinite being, He has absolute authority to decree what goes on.

He's also infinitely loving...

So you see the problem here. I'm assuming that my best option is THE best option, and using God's will as a way to make a place for the negative option (not healing, not car getting, not wisdom-ing) or in case nothing happens.

It's arrogant, really. I'm a limited being. To put it in a cool way, I'm a piece of light inside a meatbag with a timer attached. Timer goes out, meatbag dies, decays. But the light goes onward. So why should I think that I could have the best option?

I still struggle with this; that death could be God's will. It's hard for me to comprehend that death could be the best option. And so when I pray that someone will be healed, it's with the fear that if God doesn't heal them, death is coming. AKA: God's will is the negative, pain bringing, WORST CASE SCENARIO option.

And this too, shows my lack of faith and totality of fear. After all, Jesus conquered death, didn't He? God did create time, right?

So, am I:

A) Showing a lack of faith (which is what fear is).
B) Asserting my will over God's as best option (arrogance).
C) Leaving God plenty of room to fail, while still having Him exist (doubt.)
D) All of the above.

Yep. Answers D. And that fact shook me when I learned it. Did I really just give GOD a scapegoat? The words "Oh ye of little faith. Why did you doubt?" rang in my head. I had no reason too doubt Him. So why was I? Why was I perpetually giving God room to fail me, instead of just truly praying for His will, and NOT mine be done?

So I'm trying something new. I'm still praying to God to heal people, and that He will bring me a job. But when I say, "Your will be done" I mean just that. "Lord, your holy, perfect, timeless, all knowing, best interest having will be done." Not "Lord, here's what I need, here's what's best. Please do it. But if you don't, that's K' Wasn't Your will. I'll call back later."

Because God always answers prayer. Sometimes it's with a "yes", sometimes a "no". Sometimes a "not now". Or a hundred other replies. He's not a magic 8-ball. :D So when I pray for God's will, I have to place my trust in Him that His will be done, and not mine. Not only that, but that His will is best, and that He will take care of me/you/us. He promised us this. His love, His guidance, His care, His support...if we follow Him, all these things.

This post was rather disjointed, I realize. It's because the topic is rather slippery for me to hold on to. That's partially why I'm writing it down; to REMEMBER.

I've got so much to be taught. It's apparent that going by my own self isn't going to get me very far. XD But that's alright...Because that timer I mentioned? It was set by God. And that place I told you about? Built by a professional carpenter. XD

As usual, drop a comment to comment, correct, call me George, or send me Money from some Prince in Nigeria.

Take the leap of faith, Indy!

Possibly my favorite part of that movie. I actually used to jump off stuff and pretend I was landing on an invisible bridge...And the times I remember that, I'm eternally grateful I made it through high school.

At any rate, my snake has been sick this week. My fault again...that's an issue with snakes. 90 odd percent of the problems they have are caused by the environment. AKA: The owner. XD With a dog, you can say "Hey. You ate that". With a snake it's like, "Um...sorry man. MAH BAD." -_-

At any rate, there came a point where I was so tired, worried sick, and just plain meh...the only thing I could do was put it in God's hands. But then I hesitated...could I do that? Admit that the only thing I knew to do was pray? Trust in Him to make it right?

I had/have trouble with that. To sum it up, I'll quote one of my favorite books:

"I can objectively, but can I sincerely?"

Oddly, Brennen was in a similar situation. He had to trust God to care for one in his life he loved.

Kind of funny really, to trust God with my salvation from eternal damnation, but wonder if he can take care of a baby snake. Funny in a "that's not funny man," kind of way.

So I tried my hardest to place it in God's hands. And you know what? Baby snake didn't eat his meal. But the next day, I talked to a friend who knows snakes. He said I may have the cage a bit hot, and after I lowered the temp, Baby seemed to be doing better. And he's been getting better since. Not because of me, or my friend, but God.

And once again, I learned that my option is not always God's will. Which is for another post, I think.