Idle worshipper.

That last sentence of that last post probably left a lasting fear that I would yet again step up to the blogger plate. Well, here I am. :D

Sadly, I'm not all that great at being a Christian. In fact, it was only a few years ago that I realized that I can't "be" a Christian, if that makes sense. If it doesn't, let me clarify:

"For by grace ye are saved through faith and this is not of yourselves. It is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast."

I'm sure that's not word perfect, but you can look it up in Ephesians 2:8-9. XD

That verse sums it up nicely. This life isn't about being a Christian. Works won't get me anywhere (sadly, I still struggle with this. Even after several years and an entire childhood) they're useful to show faith (as James said), but they won't save me. God already did that. Trying to get "there" myself not only belittles His sacrifice but shows a certain lack of faith. I'm working on it (see? I'm working on it. How funny/ annoying is that?)!

I'm fully convinced that this life is all about a relationship with Christ, and serving Him.

With that laid as a background, let me tell you a little bit about the title. I realized that I was, in fact, setting up my own little God. And if he didn't do what I wanted, I just explained it away.

Here's one way I know this:

"Lord, Please *insert something*, BUT let your will be done."

I wasn't praying that because I wanted God's will to be done. I was leaving him (not Him) a way out in case he didn't do what I wanted. "Well, God didn't get me a car/heal someone/give me wisdom. Guess that wasn't his will."

In the span of things, God will, WILL be done. Time is laid out before Him like a book. So if someone didn't get healed/didn't get a car/whatevs...that was His will. Because what I think isn't always the best option. God has reasons for me not having a car, just as He has reasons for not healing someone. It's a matter of trust. Trusting that God's will is truly best. It's also a matter of respect. God is God. He's infinite, Omniscient, ETC. And as a perfectly holy, always right, infinite being, He has absolute authority to decree what goes on.

He's also infinitely loving...

So you see the problem here. I'm assuming that my best option is THE best option, and using God's will as a way to make a place for the negative option (not healing, not car getting, not wisdom-ing) or in case nothing happens.

It's arrogant, really. I'm a limited being. To put it in a cool way, I'm a piece of light inside a meatbag with a timer attached. Timer goes out, meatbag dies, decays. But the light goes onward. So why should I think that I could have the best option?

I still struggle with this; that death could be God's will. It's hard for me to comprehend that death could be the best option. And so when I pray that someone will be healed, it's with the fear that if God doesn't heal them, death is coming. AKA: God's will is the negative, pain bringing, WORST CASE SCENARIO option.

And this too, shows my lack of faith and totality of fear. After all, Jesus conquered death, didn't He? God did create time, right?

So, am I:

A) Showing a lack of faith (which is what fear is).
B) Asserting my will over God's as best option (arrogance).
C) Leaving God plenty of room to fail, while still having Him exist (doubt.)
D) All of the above.

Yep. Answers D. And that fact shook me when I learned it. Did I really just give GOD a scapegoat? The words "Oh ye of little faith. Why did you doubt?" rang in my head. I had no reason too doubt Him. So why was I? Why was I perpetually giving God room to fail me, instead of just truly praying for His will, and NOT mine be done?

So I'm trying something new. I'm still praying to God to heal people, and that He will bring me a job. But when I say, "Your will be done" I mean just that. "Lord, your holy, perfect, timeless, all knowing, best interest having will be done." Not "Lord, here's what I need, here's what's best. Please do it. But if you don't, that's K' Wasn't Your will. I'll call back later."

Because God always answers prayer. Sometimes it's with a "yes", sometimes a "no". Sometimes a "not now". Or a hundred other replies. He's not a magic 8-ball. :D So when I pray for God's will, I have to place my trust in Him that His will be done, and not mine. Not only that, but that His will is best, and that He will take care of me/you/us. He promised us this. His love, His guidance, His care, His support...if we follow Him, all these things.

This post was rather disjointed, I realize. It's because the topic is rather slippery for me to hold on to. That's partially why I'm writing it down; to REMEMBER.

I've got so much to be taught. It's apparent that going by my own self isn't going to get me very far. XD But that's alright...Because that timer I mentioned? It was set by God. And that place I told you about? Built by a professional carpenter. XD

As usual, drop a comment to comment, correct, call me George, or send me Money from some Prince in Nigeria.