A Heavy Hearted Work of Staggering Genius.

For the record, the title is not me being horrendously vain. XD It's a song from Anberlin. Actually, both the songs referenced were...and Reading them, I realize how horrible they sound. I promise they aren't dirty, they make sense when listened to in their entirety. "Audrey, Start the Revolution" and "Dance dance Crista Paffgan".

The events in this post actually happened with little embellishment. No artists were hurt in the making of this post. One dugong was slightly injured in the playground scene. We warned it not to do the monkey bars.

First I gather the supplies. Three sheets of construction paper, no, four. Two white...cream? I dunno what the color is. Two of them, one red, one blue. The blue is nearly purple, perhaps cerulean. It'll work. Grab the glue stick and a red marker while I'm digging around in the craft basket.

Next, a needle. The ribbon threader needle is still up in my room from my last project, but I think I need a smaller--

*freeze*...were those steps? I shake my head, just my imagination. Pay attention. I search among the sew box looking for a needle of appropriate size. Shouldn't this be called a sewing box? But no, the box doesn't sew!

Focus. Needle...there, perfect size. Next, scissors. Should have gotten those from the kitchen while I was in there. Either way, orange handled scissors should be in the junk drawer. Wondering why the marker in my hand has no name on it, it's just red. It aggravates me. Pull the broken drawer out, and grab the scissors, passing over the kitchen shears for being to rough for this kind of work. They'll work, but the orange ones are much more to your liking.

Turn and look around for your...there! My cup of choco style milk. The burn mah face off foodage you ate for supper will be no match for this creamy treat.

I gather my supplies and head upstairs, setting them on my desk when I reach my room. I sip the milk. I can stack the paper up with some glue to create a thicker card, and trim the layers to create multiple colors. Cool.

Walking across the hallway, I talk to my mom for a bit. Talk about what type of fish you want in your tank. Probably bettas. I tell her I'm working on a project in my room, and not to come in. Wonder what she thinks I'm doing? Probably something I shouldn't. That's OK.

Return to my room, sit down at your desk. Open up your Zune media playah and select your ultimate playlist. Briefly you consider whether or not to listen to favorites only...no, randomnity is the spice of life. Of course you remember that too much spice caused you much pain at supper, and will likely case more later.

Ultimate playlist it is.

First outline what you're planning on. Top of page will say "HAPPY" in those thick letters. Middle will say "Mom", but with a heart in it in place of an O. Below that, a large sized "DAY". Wonder if "HAPPEH" would work? No, it'd likely be badly received.

Hmm...blue on top, middle red, blue bottom. Sounds good. Cut out the letters, and the heart, but use marker for the M's. Blue Happy, Blue Day, red heart. Then sew around the edges to give it a fancy look. Shweet idea. Wonder what I can do for my Dad's birthday?

Focus. Time to measure and cut. In that order. But wait...have to draw carefully so as not to let the pencil lead show. Nice catch.

Oops. One of the blue sides is smaller...that's alright. Just use it at the top.

Carefully glue the red sheet down first. Get the edges, then run some down the middle. OK. Align the edges carefully...bah. slightly off. But better than you'd thought. Next, the blue. Work that glue stick little Jimmy. Make those third graders who really use them proud!

Hmm...still slightly off. Oh well, that's why you didn't go into structural design...yet. But math is not your favorite thing, you love the arts.

Focus...oh! This song is amazing!

If this isn’t love (If this isn’t love)
This is the closest I’ve ever been
Do you think we have a chance tonight?
As streetlights sing on Audrey’s song!

Use the power of the song to complete your art? You. Know. It. Now, focus.

Glue the white sheet on top...nope, need to cut it first. Japanese carvers knife'll work great. Lightly trace the letters with your pencil...good stuff. Try to avoid cutting it twice, because if you don't like it the first time, you definitely won't the second...or something.

Boogers...slipped. ...Doesn't look too bad. Keep cutting, but go slower.

There, "happy" finished. No on to the heart. Flip the page over and trace it on the back. *tracetracetrace*

...schnap. Why is it your hearts always look better on one side than the other. Hmm...perhaps a nice deep thought. Expound on it later, you will, maybe.

CAN YOU NOT FOCUS?!?!

...Sorry. Cut the heart out, then draw the "day" extra big. Done. That came out nicely. Keep the extra pieces to glue back in place for the letters with hole's. Glue the white piece on top with care. Slide the glue stick around the edges, and the middle...oops. Will the heart now have glue upon it?

Is that...yes, that song too, rocks. Take a moment to pay attention.

...
Your black dress in disarray
Only dance floor prayers can save {you}
But it's you that's coursing through my veins

Don't need no drugs, you're my chemical
Now I'm dependent, swear I'm clinical
Addicted to those glances, taking chances tonight
I need a fix in those heroin eyes
Don't need no drugs, you're my chemical
Now I'm dependent, no not cynical
Addicted to those glances, taking chances tonight
I need a fix in those heroin eyes

Now, write out your message on the card. Rather nice, you search the air for another word to add...Screen saver pops up "Strong Beer. Wow this stuff tastes good!" Not a message you'd normally approve of, but it's Strong Bad related. Strong. That'll be great!

Oh schnap. The card was the wrong way when glued. Red paper is poking out at the top of the D.

Take a long pull off the choco milk, sit back and sigh. Can you fix it? Not likely. You'd have to remake the card. Marker? No...best hope no one notices. Can't make anything perfect anyway. Out of your grasp. Even on Guitar Hero the meter rarely hit's 100%.

Now you have to sew. The small needle nearly bends when pushed through the paper, the thread is too thick to go on it anyway, being red cotton yarn. The knife will cut holes then you'll push the ribbon needle through. Do a looped stitch for fanciness.

Drill holes with the knife, sew it up. Sew around the heart too. Doing patternized stitches in the bottom and the top. There...looks nice. Aside from the mistakes.

Open the door and look outside. Mum's in bed. Walk downstairs, lay the card against the lamp. Nope, forgot your signature. Run back up the stairs, grab a guitar pick...a red one. It's one of your favorites, but you like it that way. Adding the guitar pick makes it apparent that not only have you spent time on the home made card, you've also put something you love into it. Or so you think. No need to sign your name either, or get yelled at for not signing it. Glue stick makes it's way into your pocket leaving the room.

Grab the card as you pass the lamp, flip it, glue it, and stick the pick in the middle of the heart on the back. Carefully set it down, pick side up. ...Hope mom likes it.

So that's how I maded my Mummy a card. <3